June 17, 2013

Happy Father's Day, Abah :)

I know it quite late to wish Father's Day.. but this early morning feeling with Jason Mraz songs on my laptop, it flashes back my memories to 5 years ago - while I was in Melbourne. It just exactly the same feelings. Ah, I hate this.

I don't have father (biological) to call on Father's Day. I hope Abah happy in 'there'. I miss him so much, really.. I rarely have picture with him, I can count how many :((. . . I know if he still here, he's the most happiest person to see who am I become now. I'm not saying I'm succeed enough, but enough to make him proud. . .

Abah, I love you so much. Happy Father's Day, Abah.

Al - Fatihah. (1942 - 2008)

PS: Previous post about abah is HERE

June 09, 2013

Just random feelings.

I don't believe my blog still has reader(s) considering I'm not frequently update it. Anyways, this is just a random babbling of my thoughts and feelings.

I don't know why some people just do not care about other people feelings. This is not my first or second time I feel like this, but it's uncountable. I just don't like to be here. The environment makes me sucks. Excuse me my language, but I just hate it.

I feel so demotivated and down. For me, to be a leader, you should know how to motivate the people under you not demotivate them. If you do not know how to do this, then you are born not to be a leader. You are just not suit to be one.

I know how to value myself. I know I have value. Don't treat me like I'm stupid, or whatever you think about me. I hate when people underestimate my ability. When I don't like it, I'll leave.

Terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata buruk padahnya.

There's one saying,
Lidah itu lebih tajam dari sebilah pedang

So people (reminder to me as well), watch your mouth. watch your words.

June 02, 2013

[PART 2] Mum.

So.. my mum left yesterday's afternoon. Around 12-ish. That time I was sleeping (coz I worked night shift the day before so I got home around 9am in the morning. I will sleep till 1pm usually) and my mum woke me up to tell she was ready to go home (kampung). I was half awake but out of sudden, I said something like

"Mak.. jangan lah balik.." 

..with holding my mum's hand. I seriously did not realized I said something like that till around 10 minutes later I sat still on the bed looking at my mum rushing clearing up her stuffs to go home. I know deep inside she also felt the same. But she just try to act normal like nothing is happening. 

After my mum left, I felt terribly sad. I never had this kind of feeling before when I or my mum leaves. I didn't know what was exactly happening but yes, I cried. I cried hard. My husband tried to calm me down. Luckily that time Safiyyah was soundlessly sleeping.. 

I cried until my eyes swollen. On top of panda eyes, I had swollen eyes as well. Yes - I was that miserable. 

10.40pm - Usually my mum already sleep around this time. But this time was not. She called me. Her voice was a bit shaky. She asked about me.. Safiyyah.. and other stuffs. Then.. she cried. She said she misses me & Safiyyah so much. She just couldn't bear with it that's why she could not sleep.

I always grateful having her as my mum. I love you mak. Nothing can ever replace you in my heart. Thank you Allah for this beautiful feeling. 

June 01, 2013


I just love my mum so much. I don't know why but I feel so sad because she will be leaving tomorrow. when she's around I feel comfort and rasa mcm nak manja sgt ngn mak. :'(

Bukan apa pun.. she just going back to kampung je pun esok.. she has been living with me since last week. So rasa sgt seronok la bila mak ada kt umah..


PS: I love you mum.